Mother's Day was a lot of fun, my grandparents and mom came over to celebrate over brunch. I am incredibly lucky to have two amazing mothers, who both get along and allow me to spend the day with both of them together. Of course, it didn't go off without a hitch and panic before hand-- I have been talking about how the shower is a challenge, and I had my first scare right before the brunch. Since then, my dad installed a handheld shower head, which has helped a lot. The paper portion around my port dressing got wet, and I totally panicked, and an antibacterial disk that goes between the needle and my body slipped, adding onto the fun. I texted my nurse in a panic, who reassured me that it was ok, but I was still very on edge when everybody got here. I was able to help out a little bit here and there with cooking and cleaning, and I had my first outing from the house. Other scares of the week include my dressing coming loose, being worried about the premixed bag of IV meds sitting out for too long, the list goes on and on. I have never had such severe anxiety before, but it is improving every day.
By Monday, I was pretty much back to business as usual. Monday itself was a little rough, the home health nurse came and we had some complications changing the needle on my port, and peeling the dressing off was pretty painful for me. We also struggled with the pump itself, but thankfully that was resolved. On the same day, I had the nutritionist and therapy as well, so it was a long day.
I am feeling a million times better physically, but I way overdid it this week. I am paying for it today with some swelling, and trying to get some rest in. I am averaging about 5,000 steps a day, which is close to the amount of activity I was getting while at school. Healthwise, I followed up with my primary care doctor, which was really helpful and a relief to have her in the loop. A physical therapist came to my house to do an evaluation because I lost a lot of strength and muscle mass in the hospital, so I am still struggling with going up and down the stairs. She will be coming twice a week to work with me, and then down to once a week. The home health nurse came out again and I learned how to change the tubing on my pump.
On the school front, the first couple of nights, I was up all night with anxiety about logistics, but I realized that if they were able to set up the pump the first time around in 24 hours, they can do it again when I go to school. I was able to finish up my third out of four online classes that I am taking while I am on leave last night. This week, that required me to do classroom observations, write 4 papers, and take an online final. I was having problems with this professor and accommodating me, so the fact that I have a guaranteed B and likely an A in the course is a miracle. It is amazing what a doctor's note that mentions ADA can do..... My next class starts in 10 days, and I have my textbook ordered, but this time I learned the hard way that I will need to apply for formal accommodations, even though it is an online class.
Socially and responsibility wise, I have been able to go out to dinner with a friend (twice!) and to Target, a store, etc. I haven't been out of the house this much since coming back from school. Heck, I even got my car washed! Connie, whom I met through a mutual friend, is an artist who teaches a meditation/art method called Zentangle. She was kind enough to come to me with a whole starter kit while I was in the hospital, and came back again yesterday to teach me some more. I really enjoy it, and I'm looking forward to practicing it more. I SUCK at drawing and I am not artistically talented, and every time I make one of the tangles, I am really impressed with how they turn out. She is starting to teach classes and stuff too, so if you are interested, here is her link: Just Tangle No, I am not being paid or doing any sort of promotion, she just is an amazing person who has helped me cope through this crazy week!
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| My favorite Zentangle (so far) |
At the same time as all of this, I have been trying to keep tutoring to make money. My to do list seems to be growing greater and greater, which is very overwhelming, and adds to my already existing anxiety. It is all stupid, small stuff, but it adds up. Birthday wish list to make, thank you notes to write, needing to stop at the post office, transfer notes from a notebook to a smaller notepad, organize the closet, etc. This is at the same time as daily medication bag changes, battery changes on the pump, etc. Add on three meals a day, 3-5 liters of water, physical therapy exercises, and snacks. Never ending stuff to do. But, I have to realize that all of this is actually extremely positive, because it means that I have the energy to do so. I just REALLY need to slow it down. So, if you see me, remind me to slow down! I am going to try to stick to at least weekly updates, but hopefully I will be posting more often, because this is therapeutic for me too.
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